NEPANTLA
Growing up in Mexico, more than three decades ago, things were very different than now! Time seemed to pass by much slower, and life was interesting yet simple and fun. I was always surrounded by people, as is customary in Mexican culture to spend your time with family, extended family and friends all the time, that was true for me, as I can’t remember a single day when I was left on my own during those years!
As if that was not enough, my parents hired another person to take care of my sister and me. Fortunately she was an amazing human being, her name was Rufina, I have no idea in which part of Mexico she was born or how her family was like but I do remember that she spoke Spanish and Nahuatl, and she not only spoke to me very often in Nahuatl but also sang to me in that beautiful language. I loved the sound of it, I wish now I could remember the words. I forgot almost all of it although I still remember a few like “Noconeuh”, Rufina will call me that all the time, and she would do it in such a loving way - when I asked her what it meant she said: My child!
Yes I was her child in a way, she took care of me for a few years and I loved her! There was something different about her; she understood what I was feeling. Whenever I was frustrated or scared, I would cry or yell and she would calm me down by holding me in her arms and repeating again and again “Matca” She repeated Matca-noconeuh until I slowly gave up the fight (against myself I should say)
For many years I thought “Matca” meant “you are safe” but recently I discovered it actually meant “gently-slowly-peacefully” which was exactly what I didn’t have at that moment, inner peace! (The truth is, I still don’t have inner peace, I am always trying to get it from the outside world, and it has been my biggest struggle) This makes me wonder if it was possible that she could identify exactly what was going on with me, even at that early age? Did she have some Aztec divine powers or was she just trying to teach me how to calm my inner-storm? Was I born with that inner struggle? Do we all come to this world already with our issues? Is that why we are here on the planet, to figure them out?
If I look back to the memories I have, I always find that Rufina was calming me down. She also told me a story about “outside and inside” and then she would explain to me how we all are in both places at the same time and Rufina called it “Nepantla”. I don’t remember the whole story but it was about a [Flower that came from the sky to earth as a seed, and the process it had to learn, to get strong and prepared inside the earth, before it could come out to the surface and experience the challenges and joys that life brings. Then after learning the lesson of life, it would have to return to the universe as dust] this was her explanation of Nepantla. I thought this was just another story but I get it now, we are all that flower. We are all here to find our purpose by experiencing everything, while in this journey through life which is the In Between. We live in Nepantla?
Unfortunately this is as far as my Nahuatl vocabulary goes because I don’t remember anything else, however, these three words have impacted my life in a way that I didn’t understand or realized until now. The term that Rufina used all the time, Nepantla is real, it comes from the Nahuatl Language (from the Aztecs) and it means in between.
Have you ever felt in between (Nepantla), as Rufina used it in that metaphor I realize I can apply it to everything, like in between jobs because they are going to fire you or you just got a better offer, moving to a different house or country, dealing with the death of a loved one or ending a long time relationship, even starting a new one and you feel completely lost? That moment when you can’t concentrate, when you don’t know what to order from the menu, when you are not sure which clothes or car to buy, if you want to get married or learn a different Language. Whatever it is for you, every decision that we make, when we are about to choose, we are in “Nepantla” we are in between. So welcome to my world!
It amazes me that after all the years that have passed I recognize now that I've always felt in Between (Nepantla) no matter what I do and probably because of that, I can’t find inner peace (Matca) so I try to get it constantly from the exterior world. As I said before, this has been my struggle all along. I will ask you again, do you think we all born with our own struggle? Could it be that this information or knowledge is already in each of the atoms in the human body?
Assuming that this is true for everybody and that we do have this information engrained in each being even before we are born, that would mean that we already have all the ingredients for life it self and that we all are part of this universe from beginning to end, if it ends…
The universe is so vast but it is also inside of us and even if we might seem small, we are not, because we are all connected. We are home. Our planet is our home, for you and for me. We are alive and that itself is a miracle.
So why do I still have that “Nepantla” feeling? How come I feel this void inside of me? Will this in between feeling ever go away? Rufina knew something about me since that early age that my own family didn’t know. I didn’t know! I am not sure if that was part of the Aztec heritage or the sweetness of the “Nahuatl” language, but she knew, and she talked to me about it in her own way. Could it be that she was paying more attention to me? Or was it because she spent more time with me than anybody else? Was she a natural educator? Was she more connected to her caring, loving nurturing side? Why? How could she have that information that I am starting to understand at almost 40 years old?
I wonder…
I am certainly not a kid anymore but she taught me well, so now I feel the responsibility for the next generations to come, even if I am still not a parent!
Doesn’t this make you wonder how important it is who takes care of our children? What happens when we go to work or the gym and live them at home or school, with a nanny, teacher, friends or relatives? What if every word or action could alter his or her future forever? Would you do something different if you knew this could affect for better or worse the life of a child?
Choose wisely for your children while they are still young and unable to do it for themselves!
I wish Rufina was here today, so that I could tell her how much I love her! Rufi wherever you are, I hope Life treats you well, and I thank you, for every loving word and moment you gave me when I was a little girl. You are not forgotten!
~Vany Huber~
Special thanks to Stephanie Chernitzky for her help with this Blog! Follow her on twitter: @stephchernitzky
