SANTA CLAUS
I have to confess that I love the Pagan tradition that has existed for centuries now, of getting a tree in December, having it in my home and decorating it with hundreds of ornaments that I have been collecting throughout the years, while listening to Christmas carols and sipping a hot chocolate with marshmallows!
My confession cannot end there, as I also belong to the group of people who falls for consumerism during that time of year, and buys too many gifts. Not only that, but I also take time to get the perfect gift for each member of my family or friends, - I personally wrap and send most of them. I enjoy the process from beginning to end. Furthermore, I love the vacation that comes with the whole festivity, it is a great way to end another year.
I do have a concern though; as much as I am fond of the idea of Santa Claus, and I believe it is a very nice tradition, I have a problem when I think about how children believe in this idea of him. Especially how some adults would do anything to make them believe it is real! I realize some adults justify telling children this “white lie” with the excuse of giving them the joy of believing in the Christmas spirit and the figure of “Santa Claus” has now become a part of it. In my opinion, a white lie is still a lie.
Is this tradition good for our children? Do children get hurt when the people they trust are the first ones that lie to them, even if it is a white lie? Why do we lie to our children? In this case, all adults know Santa Claus doesn’t exist so what makes us continue with this lie from generation to generation? Have you ever stop to think if this can really hurt children?
It may seem like something of no consequence, after all, most people who practice this tradition don’t seem to think twice about the fact that it is not real. Actually most people that I have talked to say something like this: “let children be children and believe in magic, don’t take away their innocence”.
I am in no hurry to take away their innocence; in fact it is the opposite. I believe the more honest and truthful we are with children, this will provide them with a safe environment that they can always trust. Trust creates more self-esteem and the more self-esteem they have will help them to have a better life.
Wouldn’t you like children from all over the world to have a happy life? Of course you do! I do too; I care about children, all of them, which includes all the grownups that were once a child as well. Caring about someone can’t include being dishonest with them.
I don’t like lies. To me this whole thing about Santa Claus is very personal and a big deal, since this adorable tradition -of that man that lives in the North Pole, dressed on a red suit, that knows everything about every child on the planet, that will bring toys if you behaved well, on his sleigh pulled by flying reindeers, led by Rudolph the red nose reindeer- actually destroyed my belief in my parents!
When I discovered that Santa Claus wasn’t real, I was absolutely crushed! I am not sure which was worst; Santa Claus not being real or that my parents had lied to me for so long.
I don’t believe that they did it to hurt me. Actually, I know my parents had very good intentions and where only trying to perpetuate this tradition that so many children love, they loved writing their letters to Santa Claus, and where extremely excited when they got their gifts on Christmas year after year. I heard stories about it and even have the sweetest letter to Santa Claus written by my father, which he wrote in 1947!
So what was different about me than the other children? Why did I take it so personal when I found out that it was a lie? I trusted my parents. To me, it was the biggest lie ever told. I didn’t felt any pride on the discovery, it really hurt, and something broke inside of me!
I am convinced now that it is impossible to encourage this belief without dishonesty. The truth is, a lie is a lie. You are lying to your children! If you lie about Santa Claus being real from the beginning, you will have to keep lying, be convincing about it and as the children grow you will have to come up with more elaborated lies, for years until they find out the truth.
Try not to get angry because of what I am writing, just think about it!
I know this is a very old tradition and this in itself gives enough reason to keep doing it, but is it really necessary? Children are smart you know? They will find out eventually! Do you have any idea how every little thing impacts each child? What if you could celebrate any tradition, not just this one but anyone, just for the fun of it and without having to lie?
I have lied before and I know there have been many times! I ask my self now, how did I started with my first lie when I was around 5 years old and then the next and the next… Is it possible that it was because my parents where doing it? If it was fine for them and other adults to lie, why not me?
As an adult I realize that a lie is wrong and I don’t want to keep doing that in any way. I am personally committed to be truthful to myself as well as anybody else! I believe that a lie can destroy a lot of value. Once you lied you can never take it back. You can be sorry and ask for forgiveness but it doesn’t change the fact that you did lie!
This seems to be no longer about Santa Claus but the fact that in order to preserve the illusion there has to be many lies involved…
In the end I wonder who’s right and who’s wrong? Is it just harmless fun or could it maybe hurt children when they finally find out is not true?
This is a picture from one of our Christmas with Santa Claus in our home! (Yes, that Santa Claus is my dad, the little girl next to him is me - I am getting my presents and my Mom is sitting holding my sister in her arms watching the whole thing.)
5 comments:
First of all TRIBUTE for embarking in to the blogging world. I appreciate your courage and enthusiasm and exuberance of sharing. Words have such power that is nice to have someone with such ethics awareness as you to be in the field of word sharing. Now as for your blog, what struck me most is truly the concept of a little "white lie" and honestly there is no such thing as a little lie... honesty is RAWNESTY, and integrity can not be half way.... so I say good for you to bring this into the open, I kept this "white lie" going for 10 years...Until it didn't feel right any longer...and where the keen abilities of the children just figured it out. Rather than selling the marketing of Santa Claus, we now speak about the St, Nicholas that liked to do something for others, so each Christmas now the children become santa clauses themselves, sharing with someone less fortunate, in a way they choose. If I want to give tehm a gift, I give them with no beard red suit involved. As well, nowadays, after 10 years of white lies:) finally incorporated the EARN THE RIGHT for things they really want, now they save money, they cooperate, they feel they have earn it. I am done with the idea of Santa of bringing video games, and stuff and more stuff and share the concept of naughty and nice just because someone on the north pole decides on this:) Rather than this, children can become aware of their choices, not label themselves as bad or good,rather as human beings making choices, learning lessons and taking actions to manifest what they desire. So here is a brief comment of mine and congratulations once again for this step you took to blog your heart and mind in to the world. Now am off to write my last letter to Santa: Der Santa, thank you for the illusion, I choose truth, as the best gift I can ever receive and can model to my kids, Thank you, an avid blind follower of yours for years....no more. Ivonne Delaflor
First of all TRIBUTE for embarking in to the blogging world. I appreciate your courage and enthusiasm and exuberance of sharing. Words have such power that is nice to have someone with such ethics awareness as you to be in the field of word sharing. Now as for your blog, what struck me most is truly the concept of a little "white lie" and honestly there is no such thing as a little lie... honesty is RAWNESTY, and integrity can not be half way.... so I say good for you to bring this into the open, I kept this "white lie" going for 10 years...Until it didn't feel right any longer...and where the keen abilities of the children just figured it out. Rather than selling the marketing of Santa Claus, we now speak about the St, Nicholas that liked to do something for others, so each Christmas now the children become santa clauses themselves, sharing with someone less fortunate, in a way they choose. If I want to give tehm a gift, I give them with no beard red suit involved. As well, nowadays, after 10 years of white lies:) finally incorporated the EARN THE RIGHT for things they really want, now they save money, they cooperate, they feel they have earn it. I am done with the idea of Santa of bringing video games, and stuff and more stuff and share the concept of naughty and nice just because someone on the north pole decides on this:) Rather than this, children can become aware of their choices, not label themselves as bad or good,rather as human beings making choices, learning lessons and taking actions to manifest what they desire. So here is a brief comment of mine and congratulations once again for this step you took to blog your heart and mind in to the world. Now am off to write my last letter to Santa: Der Santa, thank you for the illusion, I choose truth, as the best gift I can ever receive and can model to my kids, Thank you, an avid blind follower of yours for years....no more. Ivonne Delaflor
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/plato-pop/201212/say-goodbye-the-santa-claus-lie
Most progressive parents know that lying to our kids is not a good idea — it’s not respectful or kind, and is likely to erode the trust our child has for us.
However, what about Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and unicorns? Is it okay to tell our child that Santa Claus and the like are real? Are these just innocent ‘white lies’ that we all tell our kids so their faces light up with joy as they indulge in the pleasure of make-believe?
Or is it a dangerous path that deeply affects our child’s capacity to trust adults when they eventually find out the truth?
Both my husband and I grew up believing in Santa and never felt betrayed when we figured it out. However, my eldest son, Jack, was told Santa was real, and boy was I unprepared for the fallout when he eventually found out the truth.
I can still remember the look on his face of dismay, confusion, sadness, and incredible anger when he discovered that I — the person he felt he could trust the most in the world — had lied to him.
He looked directly at me with such sad, tear-filled eyes and said, “I will never trust you again.”
Ouch.
He did (eventually) and we moved on but, many years later, he still occasionally mentions it and pulls me up if I say anything remotely resembling a white lie to his younger sisters. He has turned into the ‘lie police’ in our house (no bad thing!). Needless to say, I have regretted my original approach to Santa ever since.
From my counseling work, I have discovered I am by no means alone in this experience. Just like my son, many children are devastated to find out the truth about Santa.
Some children take the feeling of betrayal and confusion into adulthood, and it has long-lasting effects on the parent-child relationship.
Lying to our children about Santa, or any other mythical figure, isn’t kind or necessary. Our children will still be able to enjoy the wonder of make-believe without our fabrications. On the flip side, some parents, thinking they’re being honest and progressive, go too far and kill all the joy of Santa. However, there are gentler approaches in between outright lying to children about Santa and exposing the whole thing as a cruel hoax. These approaches are motivated by joy, love, respect, and imagination.
So how can you keep the magic of Christmas alive for your children without betraying their trust? It is important to remember that all children are different when it comes to fantasy. Some take things more seriously than others and are more literal. Some fall right in with the game. Some catch on to the whole ‘spirit of giving’ thing and see Santa as part of that. Some get their feelings hurt and end up bitter about it. And some are downright terrified about the thought of an elderly man coming into their house at night!
I don't want to lie to my children about Santa Claus existing. My husband doesnt want our child to be the kid ruining it for others. I think we can work around that problem by saying to our kid that other people do believe there is a Santa Claus (just like people celebrate different holidays.) What do you think?
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